My Own Journey of Transformation

My true life began in 2012, when I stepped away from what others saw as a perfect middle-class dream: a house in the suburbs, married with children, and a respectable academic career. From the outside, everything looked ideal. Inside, I felt increasingly disconnected from my authentic self. That life had been scripted for me by others, with only good intentions, but it wasn’t mine.

That moment of choosing a different path taught me my first profound lesson about transformation: we must listen to our body’s wisdom, even when it challenges society’s expectations.

The decade that followed became a deep journey of self-discovery and personal growth. I ventured far beyond my comfort zone – backpacking on three continents, living in different countries, and exploring alternative ways of living and relating. Throughout all this exploration, I never abandoned my duties as a parent.

Along that road, I gained a major insight: It’s me. It’s not my partner, my parents, or someone else. Me, myself and I.

Patterns within patterns

The implications of my discovery were huge: all the biggest issues, all major sources of dissatisfaction, and all my feelings of disconnection in past – were actually my own doing. These weren’t conscious choices – they were the result of repeating subconscious patterns playing out while I remained numb to my own feelings and emotions.

Gaining this wisdom required me to repeat the same mistakes and arrive in the same situation as before – only with entirely different people.

I learned, that once we become truly aware of our own patterns, we gain the power to change them. More importantly, I discovered that while we can transform any part of ourselves with commitment, we must choose our battles wisely – some changes demand more time and energy than others, and our resources are finite.

This produced another question: where to focus my newly found power of transformation? While changes were happening in my life through my own guidance, I still needed a compass to direct this energy meaningfully.

The answer came in 2019 when the path of tantra called me. It presented me with an unexpected solution:

Getting better at feeling

Better at not only feeling the nice feelings, but especially getting better at feeling, when I don’t feel good, where I don’t feel good, and becoming aware, what is happening, when I don’t feel comfortable.

My body knows the truth. It knows instantly the difference between what is truly important and what only seems important in my head. Here I had found my compass on the road to self-development.

All I had to do was start listening. But this meant letting go of a common misconception – the idea that I should only feel good all the time.

Today, I source from this wealth of experiences in all my work. All my experiences and all the hard-won wisdom I gained, are at your disposal. Ready to discover what I can do for you?

The pain of not fitting in

Over the last 15 years, I’ve gained deep insights into the challenges faced by those who don’t fit within society’s norms. I understand intimately the inner struggles they face. I know too well the impact of others’ judgments and their well-meant but utterly misplaced advice.

I don’t fit well in the normative society. I truly tried, and it almost cost me my health and sanity.

I am neurodivergent and bisexual. I navigate my intimate relationships through consensual non-monogamy and ethical polyamory. While I live in and am happy with my male body, I also embrace my strong feminine side. My identity leans towards non-binary.

These aspects of my identity coexist harmoniously with my other roles – as a parent of two teenagers, a committed partner, a trusted friend, and an independent practitioner.

Loving myself as I am

Today, I feel more alive in my body than ever. I experience high satisfaction in how my life looks like, I feel stronger and more self-confident than ever before.

By accepting myself and learning to love myself just as I am; by embodying the knowledge that I don’t have to please anybody by being or behaving like this or that, I have attracted people around me, who also accept me as I am, and support me. All at the same time when people who find it difficult to accept me fully have one by one disappeared from my life.

These experiences have enriched my ability to create a truly safe and understanding space for clients yearning to free themselves from the expectations and “shoulds” imposed upon them by others or by the society in general.

Are you struggling in your life with expectations and “shoulds” of others, that feel like they go against your nature?

Understanding Relationships Deeply

One of my core areas of expertise has come through navigating complex relationship transitions over the past 9 years. When faced with my partner’s desire to open our relationship, I had to make a choice: either follow my familiar patterns that would likely lead to hurt and unsolvable conflicts, or challenge myself to explore the unknown and the uncomfortable to find a new way forward.

This challenge became a catalyst for developing deep expertise in navigating communication in volatile situations, relationship transitions and alternative relationship forms.

It has made me understand, how big a difference it makes in relationships…

• To learn to listen to what your partner has to say. Listen, without instantly jumping to react, to analyse, to assume or to judge.
• To accept that I don’t have to understand or like all my partner’s choices and opinions to support them.
• To show up vulnerably and take ownership of my own negative feelings without blaming my partner (or anybody else) for them.

These hard-won insights have transformed my approach to relationships completely. Today, I experience incredibly rich and satisfying intimate connections where I can be fully my authentic self – feeling deeply understood and supported, while ensuring my partner’s happiness and well-being remain equally honored.

By establishing clear boundaries and expectations early on, we’ve created a foundation of safety where each of us can speak freely without fear of rejection or judgment. This balance of authenticity and mutual care didn’t come easily, but it proves that facing relationship challenges head-on can lead to deeper, more fulfilling connections than I ever thought possible.

Do you feel all too often that your partner doesn’t listen to what you have to say? Would you like to feel genuinely heard and understood by your partner? Or does your intimate relationship feel like a continuous struggle from one conflict to another? 

The Body Knows

The key to transformation lies not in our logical minds, but in our bodies. Real change happens when we dive deep into bodily sensations to understand what lies behind our patterns. What lies under all that discomfort that we would so much like to avoid?

It has been by exploring that discomfort, where I have found the biggest growth for myself. The discomfort points that something wants to be looked at.

My working method

The core of the method that I work with in all sessions that aim for development of self, is founded in

1. Uncovering

• Understanding that there is a pattern
• Feeling what happens in the body when the pattern activates
• Letting the underlying base emotion (fear, anger, sadness, disgust) surface

2. Understanding

• Discovering the part of self to whom this emotion belongs to
• Learning to know about the needs, desires, fears and possibly the origin of this part

3. Rewiring

• Learning to regulate the body when the pattern activates
• Letting anything no longer needed release from the body
• Creating new neural pathways by practising a new pattern in a safe environment

A concrete example

In my twenties, unexpected conversations with strangers would trigger intense anxiety in me. This anxiety was rooted in childhood experiences of freezing up and facing rejection when something was asked of me I didn’t understand or know how to cope with.

Simply knowing this pattern existed and understanding its origins wasn’t enough. While I intellectually understood that I no longer needed this defense mechanism to protect me from rejection, my body needed its own learning process. My adult body needed to discover that it now had the capacity to handle these situations differently.

Through careful, patient work with this memory, I taught my body new responses. I practiced new patterns in safe situations, allowing my nervous system to update its old programming. The transformation was gradual but profound – situations that once triggered fear slowly became part of my comfort zone. The fear didn’t vanish overnight, but it steadily lost its power until it faded into the background.

Does my approach appeal to you? Let’s talk about what I can do for you!

Professional Expertise

My approach to sessions combines three essential elements: academic knowledge, specialised training, and personal experience. While psychology wasn’t my major, my Master’s studies included developmental and applied psychology, providing a solid foundation in understanding human behavior and growth.

I’ve since expanded this knowledge significantly. My continuing education encompasses today personality theory, social psychology, the psychology and physiology of trauma, and modern therapeutic methods such as inner child work and parts work.

Some trainings I’ve followed in recent years

• Non-violent communication (2017)
• Conflict mediation (2018)
• Fundamental (2020) and advanced (2022) tantra massage
• The Evolved Masculine™ training with Sexuologist Destin Gerek (2021)
• Coaching leadership (2022)
• Parts therapy and Voice Dialogue (2023)
• One-year 1-on-1 mentoring with Dr. Jonathan Beger (2023)
• The Gaia Method: Sexual healing and de-armouring, Fundamental Practitioner training, Regenerative therapy (2023-2024)

Dr. Jonathan Beger, my former mentor and founder of tantra school ConSensual – Embody Your Temple, describes me as “presence embodied”. This quality creates the foundation for my work with clients. In our sessions, this presence translates into a space where you feel truly seen, heard, and safe to explore your challenges.

Working Together

Studio ES began in 2019 as a photography studio but has evolved organically into a space for deep transformation. Today, I offer various modalities including Transformative Coaching, Shibari Healing rope sessions, De-armouring, Tantra massages, all united by one core purpose: helping you connect with your authentic self and create lasting change.

I work particularly well with individuals who:

• Feel constrained by conventional life expectations
• Seek deeper understanding of their patterns and reactions
• Are ready to engage in body-based transformation
• Want to explore alternative relationship forms or self-expression
• Need support in navigating life transitions
• Seek to understand and express their gender identity or sexuality
• Want to develop healthier relationship dynamics

My role isn’t to tell you who to be – it’s to create a safe container where you can discover and embody your authentic self. This container combines psychological understanding with somatic work, supporting you through relationship challenges, personal boundaries, and life transitions to create lasting change.

The journey of transformation requires both courage and support. I offer you not just my professional training, but also my lived experience in navigating relationship dynamics, identity exploration, and communication challenges. Together, we create a safe space where you can explore, experiment, and evolve at your own pace.

Are you ready to begin your transformation? Let’s talk.